This blog brought to you by Mountain Springs House Publishing, the very same company that picked me up out of the obscurity of the streets and made me into a worldwide sensation.
Or am I getting ahead of myself?
(The answer here is, yes.)
Our current topic for the summer blog tour is an interview with characters from our books.
Gulp! Well, could be worse. Could be Vlad the Impaler, aka Vlad Drakulya. He is mercifully not in the inquisition room today. There was a good chance of him being here, but thankfully I dipped into the book early in the narrative, and missed him completely.
OK, let’s get on with this…er, I mean…Welcome Lilith and…ummm…
Both guests growl.
Me: I am — well, not pleased exactly, but — oh, well, here we are. I hope you don’t mind, I asked the Archangel Gabriel to join me here, just to be sure everyone knows what is expected. After all, I–ow! Watch that sword, Gabriel!
Me: So–Lilith…May I call you Lilith?
A very long pause, in which her glare could have been caustic, if it weren’t for Gabriel’s presence.
Lilith: You smell of death, and the grave, and rot.
Me: Ah. Well. Umm–now that the niceties are over…Your friend here–what is your name?
Lilith: He is Bestias. Latin for “beast”.
Bestias glares at Lilith. He opens his mouth, and two voices emerge.
Bestias: I am Cain/I am Judas.
Lilith: You’re both brainless idiots.
Me: Wait–there are two people in one body? Cain? As in Adam’s son? And–Judas Iscariot?
Lilith: You are only a minor idiot. (Gazes at my throat) Would you like to maximize your value?
Me: Uhhh–I’m good, thanks. (Gabriel starts to draw his sword) No, that won’t be necessary. Lilith–why did you create this duo? And–oh, wait, the book is called “Unholy TRINITY”. There seems to be only a duality here. Am I missing something?
Lilith: We haven’t added the third member to our illustrious party yet. You pulled us out for this lovely chinwag right before we pulled out our convincer on old Vlad.
Lilith: The same.
Me: (Gulp!) Imagine my disappointment…
Lilith: You better believe it. Do you know, there are a lot of ways to “kill” a vampire without destroying him? Each exquisitely more painful than the last. I will really enjoy his company.
Me: That falls into the category of “TMI”, thank you. Why are you doing this, anyway? Destroying people, enthralling these two, creating so many offspring–even though the Hunters are always on your tail. Always more come along, generation after generation.
Cain/Bestias: My people. My family. They come close, but never am I freed. (He leans toward me) Please! Do what you can to get me out of this!!
Judas/Bestias: And I as well!
Lilith: Shut up, both of you. I own you! You will not get out of this until I say so, and that won’t happen. My favorite pets–the one who committed the first murder, and the one who killed God Himself by his betrayal.
Bestias screams and lunges for Lilith. She repels them with a flash of blue lightning from her eyes.
Me: Keep a lid on it until you get back into the book, please. Lilith, please answer the question. Why are you doing this?
Lilith: You want to know why? I’ll tell you! WE were first! WE should be on this lousy planet, not you mortals! I will bring my kind back, and you mortals will be our slaves through eternity!!
Me: Is that what your Dark Master wants?
Lilith: Who? That burnt-up cinder who thinks he owns the underworld? Pah! He is not my master! No one is! I’m—gaaah!
A black cloud rises through the floor and wraps itself around Lilith. She screams and fights it, and Bestias looks on, laughing.
Gabriel slashes the cloud with the sword, and it howls and falls back.
Me: Well, that brings us to the close of this interview. It has been horrendous, and I thank you for the experience. I also hope I never have to talk to you again. Bestias–best of luck to you. Maybe you will experience Goad’s mercy. I hope so.
Next week, someone less dangerous–one of our MSH authors here as a guest. I hope you survived this interview. As for me, I think I will go bathe in holy water. Good night, all. Sweet dreams.